What a bastard. Of a task.

Is it me, or is this blog becoming a lot ruder later? First an orgy, now swearing in the title of an entry... I swear, if it wasn't me deliberately putting these things on here, I'd be shocked. Cover your children's eyes, people, they're still innocent and unspoiled! Well, mostly.

I was tagged for the following meme by Nathaniel over at The Film Experience, but after a few hours of thinking about it I decided sticking my head in a vat of boiling water would be preferable so I went and did that instead. Now I've recovered and thankfully things are in much better perspective. So here are My Top Ten Film Characters Ever. Yes, ever. No limiting to make it easier. *boils more water* (These are in alphabetical order, by the way. No favouritisement took place.)

The Aliens in Toy Story (1995)/ Toy Story 2 (1999)
Oh, sure. Woody's great. Buzz is fantastic. Hamm is hilarious. Mr Potato Head is brilliance. Rex is hysterical. But no one beats these aliens for me. Like all young adults of my age, I grew up with Pixar, and the aliens have always been my favourite part of any Pixar- hell, any Disney- movie. I love their unity of voice. I love their unwavering dedication. I love their innocent, unspoiled awe. They are beauty incarnate. "The claaaaaaaaaaaaw..."

Cecilia in The Purple Rose of Cairo (1985)
Shouldn't Cecilia be on all of our lists? She is the most sympathetic, pathetic, adorable movie-obsessed character I know. She lives within us all.

The Gamine in Modern Times (1936)
You can keep your Tramps, thanks (that rhymes!); I'll take the Gamine any day. I love City Lights but I do believe Modern Times beats it hands down to the title of my favourite Chaplin purely because of the Gamine. An equal to the Tramp, a playful, charming, utterly lovable woman. I fell in love with Paulette Goddard for this film and this film alone- nowhere else on-screen has she been so vibrant, so radiant.

Jesse & Celine in Before Sunrise (1995)/ Before Sunset (2004)
I'm a romantic at heart, beneath all this self-conscious cynicism and moodiness, and this is my ideal of love. Alright, so Jesse and Celine are just as much Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy as they are the characters written in the screenplay, but so are all the best characters. And these are the best characters. I've introduced this film to quite a few people and not one of them hasn't fallen in love with this pair.

Joel Barish in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)
I am him. This is basically me put on the cinema screen. Sadly minus Kate Winslet, but if I had her I wouldn't be this person so it's all one of those loops isn't it?

Mary Poppins in Mary Poppins (1964)
She's supercalifradulisticexpialidocious. I typed that from memory so apologies if I spelt it wrong. But it's surely worth getting children just so you can have this woman as their nanny, right? Granted I'd take up all her time, but so what? Those ungrateful wretches don't deserve her.

Sugar Kane Kowalczyk in Some Like It Hot (1959)
Again, as much Marilyn Monroe as Sugar Kane Kowalczyk, but who cares when she's this gorgeously deliriously deliciously lovably memorable? I love Marilyn. And when I think of Marilyn, I think of Sugar. And spice. And sex. It's always nice.

Susan Vance in Bringing Up Baby (1938)
The screwiest screwball who ever screwed. Or something. I even considered Barbra Streisand's Judy from What's Up, Doc? for this list but all female screwballers must surely sede to Susan Vance. She is lunatic, possessive, obsessive, adorable, ingenious, gorgeous madness in its purest, most delicious form. And surely the best character Katharine Hepburn ever played.


Truman in The Truman Show (1998)
It's Jim Carrey again! Oh, but The Truman Show is one of my favourite movies ever, and is Truman not the finest hero of them all- the hero who rebels against being a hero and only makes himself more of a hero than ever? Or something. It made sense in my head.

Well, that was fun, wasn't it? I'm going to go and drown myself now. (Not really.)

I'm supposed to tag people for this but in my lovable self-depricating way I don't think those who I might tag will actually read this so let's do it this way: I have five tags. Comment and ask for one and I shall name you hence. Tagged: James. Cal. J.D..