What a bastard. Of a task.

Is it me, or is this blog becoming a lot ruder later? First an orgy, now swearing in the title of an entry... I swear, if it wasn't me deliberately putting these things on here, I'd be shocked. Cover your children's eyes, people, they're still innocent and unspoiled! Well, mostly.

I was tagged for the following meme by Nathaniel over at The Film Experience, but after a few hours of thinking about it I decided sticking my head in a vat of boiling water would be preferable so I went and did that instead. Now I've recovered and thankfully things are in much better perspective. So here are My Top Ten Film Characters Ever. Yes, ever. No limiting to make it easier. *boils more water* (These are in alphabetical order, by the way. No favouritisement took place.)

The Aliens in Toy Story (1995)/ Toy Story 2 (1999)
Oh, sure. Woody's great. Buzz is fantastic. Hamm is hilarious. Mr Potato Head is brilliance. Rex is hysterical. But no one beats these aliens for me. Like all young adults of my age, I grew up with Pixar, and the aliens have always been my favourite part of any Pixar- hell, any Disney- movie. I love their unity of voice. I love their unwavering dedication. I love their innocent, unspoiled awe. They are beauty incarnate. "The claaaaaaaaaaaaw..."

Cecilia in The Purple Rose of Cairo (1985)
Shouldn't Cecilia be on all of our lists? She is the most sympathetic, pathetic, adorable movie-obsessed character I know. She lives within us all.

The Gamine in Modern Times (1936)
You can keep your Tramps, thanks (that rhymes!); I'll take the Gamine any day. I love City Lights but I do believe Modern Times beats it hands down to the title of my favourite Chaplin purely because of the Gamine. An equal to the Tramp, a playful, charming, utterly lovable woman. I fell in love with Paulette Goddard for this film and this film alone- nowhere else on-screen has she been so vibrant, so radiant.

Jesse & Celine in Before Sunrise (1995)/ Before Sunset (2004)
I'm a romantic at heart, beneath all this self-conscious cynicism and moodiness, and this is my ideal of love. Alright, so Jesse and Celine are just as much Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy as they are the characters written in the screenplay, but so are all the best characters. And these are the best characters. I've introduced this film to quite a few people and not one of them hasn't fallen in love with this pair.

Joel Barish in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)
I am him. This is basically me put on the cinema screen. Sadly minus Kate Winslet, but if I had her I wouldn't be this person so it's all one of those loops isn't it?

Mary Poppins in Mary Poppins (1964)
She's supercalifradulisticexpialidocious. I typed that from memory so apologies if I spelt it wrong. But it's surely worth getting children just so you can have this woman as their nanny, right? Granted I'd take up all her time, but so what? Those ungrateful wretches don't deserve her.

Sugar Kane Kowalczyk in Some Like It Hot (1959)
Again, as much Marilyn Monroe as Sugar Kane Kowalczyk, but who cares when she's this gorgeously deliriously deliciously lovably memorable? I love Marilyn. And when I think of Marilyn, I think of Sugar. And spice. And sex. It's always nice.

Susan Vance in Bringing Up Baby (1938)
The screwiest screwball who ever screwed. Or something. I even considered Barbra Streisand's Judy from What's Up, Doc? for this list but all female screwballers must surely sede to Susan Vance. She is lunatic, possessive, obsessive, adorable, ingenious, gorgeous madness in its purest, most delicious form. And surely the best character Katharine Hepburn ever played.


Truman in The Truman Show (1998)
It's Jim Carrey again! Oh, but The Truman Show is one of my favourite movies ever, and is Truman not the finest hero of them all- the hero who rebels against being a hero and only makes himself more of a hero than ever? Or something. It made sense in my head.

Well, that was fun, wasn't it? I'm going to go and drown myself now. (Not really.)

I'm supposed to tag people for this but in my lovable self-depricating way I don't think those who I might tag will actually read this so let's do it this way: I have five tags. Comment and ask for one and I shall name you hence. Tagged: James. Cal. J.D..

Boxes ticked by Marjorie Morningstar

Film initially appears to be about girl but is actually about man.

Virginal, beautiful ("The Most Beautiful Girl I've Ever Seen")teenage girl dreams of being on the stage.

Teenage girl is held back by her family's prudish/religious morals and their own ideas for her future.

Girl is made to look virginal even when her family disapproves because she's not as bad as her SLUT of a friend.

Girl falls in love with handsome but caddish older man.

Man changes his usual character and actually falls in love with her ("You're not like the others.").

Man takes girl away from her usual sphere of activity.

Girl gives up dreams for man.

Man's unsuitability is highlighted by more suitable but boring/unattractive male's presence.

Someone's death causes friction within couple.

Man and girl are made to look better because they are in love despite ethnic/religious/class differences, highlighted by use of either family's disapproval.

Girl appears at least once looking like a Scottish Widow (except miserable).

Girl renounces man only to remain passionately in love and return to him almost immediately.

Man conceals his whereabouts to protect girl.

Man fails in his quest for success because he's a Great Artist.

Man fails in his quest for success because he's a drunk.

But Marjorie Morningstar lets the side down by failing to check off the following.

Girl achieves enormous, acclaimed success while man fails.

Couple live happily ever after.

And because it rebels, even if just a little bit, I'll let if off with a C.

Give Me Moore

Ho ho ho and all that jazz, what a brilliant punster I am.

But seriously. It's Julianne Moore's birthday today (48?! Wow.) and I simply can't let this day pass without comment. The woman's been on my mind a lot lately. What with the Blindness trailer forcing us all to think that the film we've come to see is actually starting just because the trailer MUST be seen in all its digital glory, and those Todd Haynes' films that have been haunting my dreams because I just wrote an essay on them (it's over now). I even had a dream last night- this is now very vague- that she was in the credits of Titanic (oh what crazy dreams I have), and the dream-me didn't seem to question the fact of her being in it. Oh, and there's also me finally seeing Savage Grace (um, whoa) thanks to my university course- good taste prevails! (Unfortunately "we"- that is, not me- chose Pan's Labyrinth to do next term, so that didn't last long.) Does Moore's one-two-three hit of I'm Not There., Savage Grace and Blindness mean she's finally back to being the glorious independent muse of the mid-'90s? You don't need money, Julianne. Our respect is more important.

Oh, how I ramble. Anyway. In the vein of My New Plaid Pants, I'm going to celebrate Julianne's special day by informing you of my five favourite performances from the red-headed goddess. (And no, it's not too soon to include Savage Grace. Oops, spoiled that one.)

Amber Waves in Boogie Nights
"That is a giant cock."

Barbara Baekeland in Savage Grace"Will you still love me when my hair is grey and my tits are sagging?"

Carol White in {Safe}"Where am I?"

Cathy Whitaker in Far From Heaven"We ladies are never what we appear, and every girl has her secrets."

Laura Brown in The Hours"We're baking the cake to show him that we love him."

Those are seriously some brilliant performances. In many cases the best of their respective years. (I wish I'd seen Vanya on 42nd Street, but, alas, it is not to be.) Isn't it just marvellous how she moved from supporting player in rubbish like Body of Evidence (shudder) to being one of the best actresses of her generation- and of all time? She is truly marvellous. And beautiful. I could stare at her freckles all day.

Reasons Why I Didn't Like In Bruges As Much As The Rest of the Theatre Did

1. A lot of its humour was roundly predictable. I think the moment that most exemplifies this is when Ralph Fiennes, in his first scene about half way (or perhaps even further in than that) through, angrily calls his wife an "inanimate object". But then, of course, the foul-mouthed hard-ass gangster lord (I assume) is going to softly apologise in the baldest terms possible. It just falls flat, and it does it too often- jokes like the American tourists rev up but suddenly conk out.

2. It went all weepy and emotional in so strong a way I'm surprised it didn't turn around and start calling itself gay, as seemed to be the prediliction of the film's central characters.

3. The well-built tension in the developing relationship between Ray (Colin Farrell) and Chloë (Clémence Poésy) came to a complete halt and she just became the crying girlfriend. The pregnant hotel owner was better characterized (and, let's be honest, more fun).

4. The dwarf (Peter Dinklage) cliche being upturned was done in such an obvious and boringly predictable way- particularly the way he was 'defeated'. Not good enough. Same goes for that debacle in the park with the guns.

5. The theatre was packed. Now, this wasn't in any way In Bruges fault, because, god knows, I'd never have thought so many elderly people would want to see a movie about Irish gangsters who swear incessantly going on a trip to Belgium. But being squeezed and forced to watch with about a fifth of the screen impaired greatly reducing my viewing pleasure, and if the film hadn't been so damned attractive to so many people- who were all where, exactly, when I went to see Dark Horse, or Away From Her?- then it wouldn't have happened and I'd have been able to watch in comfort. Which would, possibly, have helped me enjoy it more.

That said, I did like the narrative point on which the ending turned (no spoilers, people), and Farrell and especially Brendan Gleeson were very good. And the pregnant hotel owner was superb. C+

Looking Ahead: My Ten Most Anticipated of 2008

My most anticipated from last year didn't exactly turn out so well, but that's the fascinating thing about anticipation: things you have little interest in can turn out to be superb, and things you just can't wait for more often than not let you down. And then of course there's all the things that just aren't on the radar yet. Here's to looking back at the beginning of 2009 (oh, my) and seeing just how odd my anticipations were.

This list does not contain 2007 US releases that UK is still to get; for reasons I now don't understand but am bidden by anal-retentive personality to abide by, my movie year is governed by America and not Britain, which means you can look forward to this year's Gold Stars from mid-March (my month away from uni). So, while I may be whizzing round the room in excitement over Juno and There Will Be Blood, they will not be found within.

Runner-ups: The Changeling, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, The Dark Knight,Genova, How to Lose Friends & Alienate People, Stop Loss, Sunshine Clearing, The Young Victoria

10. The Brothers Bloom
dir. Rian Johnson
cast: Rachel Weisz, Adrien Brody, Mark Ruffalo, Rinko Kikuchi, Robbie Coltrane, Nora Zehetner
I was the rare non-fan of Johnson's debut Brick, but this con movie just looks cool- and the cast (barring Brody, my nemesis) looks fantastic. I get a sort of screwball vibe from it, and there just isn't enough screwball these days. Johnson's done noir- can he tackle another classic Hollywood genre?

9. Australia
dir. Baz Luhrmann
cast: Nicole Kidman, Hugh Jackman, David Wenham, Essie Davis, Bryan Brown, David Gulpilil
Baz Luhrmann's long-awaited Australian epic (I'm assuming) sounds, looks and feels like a potential masterpiece, some kind of defining movie for both it's country and it's time... if it's done right. It seems to be an epic, a war movie and a western all rolled into one. And how interesting is it to cast Nicole Kidman in an Australian movie called Australia and have her play an Englishwoman?

8. The International
dir. Tom Tykwer
cast: Clive Owen, Naomi Watts, Armin Mueller-Stahl, Ulrich Thomsen
A simple equation: Tom Tykwer + Brothers' Ulrich Thomsen x Naomi Watts = me interested in movie.

7. The Reader
dir. Stephen Daldry
cast: Kate Winslet, Ralph Fiennes, Bruno Ganz, Karoline Herfurth, Linda Bassett
The switcheroo of Nicole Kidman for Kate Winslet made this jump up onto the top ten, and if that doesn't tell you how frequently I kneel at the altar of the Winslet nothing will. I still have reservations about the story and the accent, but I watched A Christmas Carol for Kate so I'm bloody well going to watch this. (Plus, Perfume's silent nose-filler Herfurth is in it!)

6. Blindness
dir. Fernando Meirelles
cast: Julianne Moore, Mark Ruffalo, Gael Garcia Bernal, Danny Glover, Sandra Oh
A fascinating plot based on a novel by a Nobel Prize winner, three superb leads and a director who's already proved he knows his way around a camera. This is already being touted as an Oscar contender, and, though it sounds a little off their track, hopefully it will be good enough to break down barriers and become a real hit.

5. The Box
dir. Richard Kelly
cast: James Marsden, Cameron Diaz, Frank Langella
Unusually for Kelly, the basic plot sounds alarmingly simple, but the imdb's idea of "true humanity" may hint at a much more complex and difficult film to deal with. This has the potential to be a complete disaster, both artistically and commercially, or some kind of minor masterpiece (I can't see it going mainstream, somehow). Plus, James Marsden!

4. Body of Lies
dir. Ridley Scott
cast: Leonardo DiCaprio, Russell Crowe, Carice Van Houten, Michael Gaston
Reasons why I want to see this movie: Carice Van Houten. Carice Van Houten. Carice Van Houten. Carice Van Houten. Carice Van Houten. William Monahan. Carice Van Houten. Carice Van Houten. Leonardo DiCaprio. Carice Van Houten. Carice Van Houten.

Does anyone have a problem with that?

3. Synecdoche, New York
dir. Charlie Kaufman
cast: Philip Seymour Hoffman, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Michelle Williams, Catherine Keener, Emily Watson, Samantha Morton, Dianne Wiest, Hope Davis
The name Charlie Kaufman should really be enough by itself. But my god, look at all those ladies. I'd see a film by Paul W.S. Anderson if it starred all of them. Delayed from last year, this will assuredly be as original and unpredictable as Kaufman's previous work, and with him behind the camera as well, it should all add up to a truly unique- and hopefully marvellous- experience.

2. WALL-E
dir. Andrew Stanton
cast: WALL-E, a robot
Pixar may have disappointed me with their last couple of movies, but this looks truly wonderful. Still filming, reports seem to suggest that there's going to be very little dialogue- risky, surely, for what is essentially, at least in the marketer's eyes, a kid's movie? Now that Disney have seen sense and are (apparently) letting Pixar alone to do their own thing, this will hopefully be a return to the studio's glory days of Toy Story. It's certainly the big event of the summer as far as I'm concerned.

1. Revolutionary Road
dir. Sam Mendes
cast: Leonardo DiCaprio, Kate Winslet, Kathy Bates, Michael Shannon
Not only are Jack and Rose reunited, but they brought Molly Brown with them! There are so many questions. Will the chemistry still be there? How will the ten years + have changed the way Kate and Leo interact? How will Kate work with her husband as director? Is the book actually any good? Can this possibly live up to the hype? I have to wait exactly a year from today to find out.

Awards Season 2006: The Most Anticipated of the Rest of the Year

As the Toronto Film Festival unofficially marks the cinematic world's descent into the dark hell known commonly as awards season, I thought it was high time for my picks as the best to look forward to in the months ahead. Since it's only two days away, I won't be including my current "can't wait!" movie of the moment, The Black Dahlia, though I do hope with every fibre of my being that it lives up to my exceedingly high expectations. It currently occupies the desktop of my brand spanking new laptop, so it best be worth that honour.

Anyway, I scoured and scraped through the planned release dates, and I finally whittled it down to a grand total of 20 films that I simply can't wait to arrive at the multiplex, or, perhaps more preferably, the nearest art-house. These are the films I'd skip lectures to see (although let's hope it doesn't come to that)- these are the films I'd walk for an hour just to get to. These are my most anticipated of the rest of 2006.

Numbers 20-11
20. Marie Antoinette (Sofia Coppola) (release- UK & USA: 20th October)
Little more than a fattening confection (in the metaphorical sense), it seems, but what a gorgeous confection it looks like! Kirsten Dunst looks magnetic as the legendary French queen, who, from the looks of the trailer, gains the chagrin of her people as she has wild and frivolous parties. Infamously booed at Cannes, it has actually recieved some positive reaction, and, if it looks doubtful to recieve much awards traction, it should still be a fascinating experience.

19. Casino Royale (Martin Campbell) (release- UK & USA: 17th November)
Bond's back, blonde and, by the looks of it, better than ever. The trailers seem to promising a darker, rawer feel to the long series, and let's hope a return to Bond's beginnings mean a fresh start for the series itself. Daniel Craig looks a very promising choice, in my eyes.

18. Stranger than Fiction (Marc Forster) (release- UK: 1st December; USA: 10th November)
The concept is genius: a man hears the narration of what seems to be his own life, but when it seems to announce his death, he's forced to investigate. Will Ferrell? Let's hope he can tone himself down. The presence of stars like Emma Thompson (as the narrator) and Maggie Gyllenhaal should help.

17. Infamous (Douglas McGrath) (release- UK: TBC; USA: 13th October (limited))
Another Capote? Festival reports are saying this is just as good. Little-known British actor Toby Jones tackles the writer this time around, apparently focusing more on his sexuality and the attraction between him and murderer Perry Smith (hey look, it's Daniel Craig again!). Sandra Bullock is also getting positive buzz for her performance as Capote's best friend Harper Lee (the role that garnered Catherine Keener an Oscar nom last year).

16. Bug (William Friedkin) (release- UK: TBC; USA: 1st December (limited))
This fascinating-sounding adaptation of what sounds like an intense stageplay is from Exorcist director Friedkin, and stars Michael Shannon as a man who sees insects everywhere, and Ashley Judd as the woman who holds up with him. Hopefully this will be an uncompromising psychological piece, because that's what I like best. If it ever gets released here, of course.

15. Inland Empire (David Lynch) (release- TBC)
Lynch is always one to watch, whether it's a masterwork (Mulholland Drive) or a mystery (Lost Highway), and I'd be a fool it I didn't counter in this as one to watch. Lynch favourite Laura Dern and Mulholland star Justin Theroux are two actors who begin to confuse themselves with the roles they're playing. At a reported time of 172 minutes, will this transfix or will it bore? Let's hope it's released soon so we can find out.

14. Starter for Ten (Tom Vaughan) (release- UK: 13th October; USA- February TBC)
A terrific looking British film about James McAvoy in his first year at university. As someone who's about to start the experience himself, this should be an entertaining and insightful, and hopefully fun, look at someone who sounds a lot like me.

13. The Painted Veil (John Curran) (release- UK: TBC; USA: 19th January)
A delicious cast of Naomi Watts, Edward Norton, Liev Schreiber and Diana Rigg star in this adaptation of W. Somerset Maugham's novel, already adapted for Greta Garbo in the 1930s. I hope this isn't as stale and cold as Curran's previous film, We Don't Live Here Anymore, and hope the lack of buzz on it is just because no one's seen anything yet.

12. Scenes of a Sexual Nature (Ed Blum) (release- UK: 3rd November; USA: TBC)
This tiny little British film looks a tad slight- a cast of various couples on Hampstead Heath one afternoon- but it has a killer cast- Hugh Bonneville, Andrew Lincoln, Sophie Okonedo, Catherine Tate, Eileen Atkins, Gina McKee, Polly Walker and Ewan McGregor (playing gay once again)- and has been touted as an enjoyable affair.

11. The Last King of Scotland (Kevin MacDonald) (release- UK: 12th January; USA: TBC)
Idi Adim's regime as Ugandan dictator in the 1970s is the subject of this very positively recieved new film from Touching the Void director MacDonald, and Forest Whitaker is touted as a Best Actor nominee for his role as Adim. Looks fascinating.

And the Top 10:
10. Breaking and Entering (Anthony Minghella) (release- UK: 10th November; USA: 8th January (limited), Jan TBC elsewhere)
Minghella’s newest film looks like a more reticent, low-key affair than his previous efforts like The English Patient or The Talented Mr. Ripley, and unlike them it’s also not a period piece: instead, architect Jude Law is drawn to a young thief's refugee mother (Juliette Binoche), straining his relationship with girlfriend Robin Wright Penn. My excitement for this one rose considerably when Kris Tapley gave it a rave.

9. Apocalypto (Mel Gibson) (release- UK: 5th January; USA: 8th December)
After all Gibson's coverage in the media recently I'm surprised they're still pushing ahead with this one, but then they did put a shitload of money into it. I find the Mayans a distressingly untouched subject, and, although Gibson says this is more an action film than a thinking piece, it still looks terrific. I admire Gibson for sticking to his guns and making it in the Maya language, even if I don't admire him for his recent behaviour.

8. The Good German (Steven Soderbergh) (release- UK: 9th March; USA: 25th December)
What a Christmas present for you Americans! I'm pumped for the latest Soderbergh-Clooney collaboration for the simple fact that it's in black-and-white; and with Cate Blanchett and Tobey Maguire co-starring and an enticing plot mixture of mystery and romance, colour me excited. You've got long enough to do so, mind you- March 9th?!

7. Goya's Ghosts (Milos Forman) (release- UK & USA: TBC)
It seems Milos Forman's long awaited project is having trouble finding a US distributor, although whether this is because it's not very good- or perhaps too daring?- remains to be seen. Natalie Portman stars as the muse of Spanish painter Francisco Goya (Stellan Skarsgard) who is labelled an heretic by a monk (Javier Bardem). It sounds like juicy project, and certainly looks good from the few pictures released, and hopefully it will find release before it's too late for the awards season, which it should be a major contender in.

6. Paris, je t'aime (various) (release- UK & USA: TBC)
A jumble of 20 different stories, representing the 20 differing arrondissements of the romance capital of world (and the start of the title), each segment of this long-awaited film has been made by a different director, ranging from Alexander Payne to the Coen brothers and Olivier Assayas to Wes Craven, and they're all preoccupied with that fascinating subject: love. Stars including Natalie Portman, Gena Rowlands, Steve Buscemi, Nick Nolte, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Miranda Richardson and Juliette Binoche form the multi-national cast. I was so tempted to pop in and see this when in Paris earlier this year; let's hope I made the wise decision and it pops up with a release date soon.

5. Fur: An Imaginary Portrait of Diane Arbus (Steven Shainberg) (release- UK: 10th November; USA: 10th November (limited))
Nicole Kidman looks set to give another terrific performance as Diane Arbus, the artist who gained fame with her photographs of the marginalised people in the USA. The trailer shows a film with the same off-kilter edge as Shainberg's last film Secretary, and I hope that he's kept that same feeling that made Secretary's exploration of dark sexual behaviour so fascinating and interesting. Robert Downey Jr. co-stars as part of his renaissance.

4. Little Children (Todd Field) (release- UK: TBC; USA: 6th October)
After his emotionally devastating but ultimately rather distancing debut In The Bedroom, Todd Field here adapts an acclaimed novel about surburban adultery and parenthood, and has the rather indelible cast of directing Kate Winslet, yet again tipped for an Oscar nomination. The trailer is itself an expertly crafted piece of art, and it’s to be hoped the film follows suit. Reviews so far have been kind and cruel in equal measure, but the one thing they’ve all agreed on is Winslet’s wonderousness- and hey, if I’m going to sit through Flushed Away for her, I’ll most definitely sit through this.

3. Children of Men (Alfonso Cuaron) (release: UK: 22nd September; USA: 25th December (limited))
Due out very soon here in the UK, this has been promisingly moved to a December release in the US, and festival reports are saying that Cuaron’s dark-looking apocalyptic drama is one of the year’s best films. Starring a to-die-for cast of Julianne Moore, Clive Owen, Chiwetel Ejiofor and Michael Caine, it’s set about thirty years in the future, where women are mysteriously infertile and the youngest person on the planet, an eighteen year old, has just died. This looks exactly like my kind of film, and rest assured I’ll be seeing it as soon as I possibly can.

2. The Fountain (Darren Aronofsky) (release- UK: 16th February; USA: 22nd November)
Darren Aronofsky’s long-awaited follow-up to his 2000 effort Requiem For a Dream, and his first collaboration with partner Rachel Weisz, was infamously booed at it’s premiere in Venice, but reports say it received just as much applause, and I personally can’t wait to see this, a film which sounds like it could be, and indeed is, so many different things at once. A multi-angled sci-fi time-travelling romance, it stars Hugh Jackman (certainly the one to watch this year) as a man who travels centuries to try to save his dying wife (Weisz). The charismatic duo of Jackman and Weisz are already demonstrating from this clip that they’ll make a transfixing pair, and Aronofsky’s incomparable visual style is sure to make this an experience not to be missed.

1. The Nativity Story (Catherine Hardewicke) (release- UK & USA: 1st December)
Two years ago, Mel Gibson (see #9) tackled the bloody end of the life of Jesus Christ- this year, Thirteen director Catherine Hardewicke explores the beginning of it, with Keisha Castle Hughes, in her first major role since her stunning debut in 2003’s Whale Rider, starring as Mary, mother of the baby Jesus. It is bound to be fascinating to see a cinematic representation of what we’ve all seen so many times at junior schools, and I hope and assume that Hardewicke’s raw style from Thirteen will add an intriguing new dimension to the tale. Whether this’ll satisfy my strange, atheistic interest in the subject, we shall find out this Christmas.